Current Location: Moab, UT
Current Song: Trust by Jordan Rakei
Current Beer: Steamy Wonder by Proper Brewing
Say you started brewing, and you fell upon a recipe for a delicious steam beer, which is essentially lager yeast fermented at ale yeast temperatures creating a nice blend between the two profiles. Furthermore, you use rye malt and create a wildly unique beer, to the point that if you google “rye steam ale” your beer is the first result with a bullet.
AND ON TOP OF ALL OF THIS GENIUS, you name the beer… wait for it… STEAMY WONDER.
::chef’s kiss::
I love my life.
This is a fucking awesome beer. My only gripe… you name your beer Steamy Wonder and this is all you come up with for your can design? Really?
I mean it’s fine. It’s not terrible, obviously. But damn, so many creative amazingly hilarious options and you seem to have passed on all of them. Oh well, I still love you.
Proper Brewing in Moab. It’s right on the way to Arches from downtown. The left turn is a bitch, and so is the parking, but go get it, well worth the effort.
Pretty much immediately after finishing the last post, we left Valley of the Gods. We were past halfway through the 17 mile path, but the last 6-7 miles to get out were probably the roughest of the entire drive end to end.
Well, okay, that’s a lie. The worst is the middle 1-2 miles smack in the middle of those 17 miles is up and down and around all the crazy beautiful main attraction type of formations. As beautiful as those spots were, that road was NOT GREAT. As beautiful as those spots were, I was at the point of “please get us the fuck out of here in one piece.” Once we were through we saw an 40ish-foot fifth wheel heading where we just not-so-easily got through with our 20-foot van. We said a little prayer for them and settled into our very nice and previously mentioned spot.
So we got to Bluff, and honestly, I don’t remember the exact order of things. In my first post of the 2024/2025 tour I talked about how time seems to go super quickly when not much is happening in your life. Your brain literally doesn’t process as much information and so if there’s 2GB of data over the last 20 years then that data goes pretty quick relative to that much time. You get that 2GB over a month instead then, yeah, replaying that data becomes “holy shit, all that was only a month?!?!”
That’s about where we live at the moment. Every day is just non-stop stimuli. The realization we’ve only been out here about a month is FUCKING RIDICULOUS. In the absolute best way.
Where was I?
Yes… Bluff.
So I’m just gonna kinda list out the things that happened as much as I can remember the proper order.
TWIN ROCKS CAFE REDEMPTION
There are basically two categories of events in Bluff, UT… 2020 redemption and 2025 new and exciting. This first one is 2020 redemption.
Back in 2020 we went to Twin Rocks Cafe and ordered what they call “Eggs Atsidi.” It’s basically Eggs Benedict with pulled pork instead of ham, some beans, and a Navajo bread instead of.. I dunno, English muffins or whatever.
It is FUCKING DELICIOUS.
Except that in 2020 we somehow didn’t even realize they forgot the eggs, and in the five years since I’ve never gotten over it. So FINALLY, I was able to get my revenge and properly experience my Eggs Atsidi.
And it… was… amazing.
I’m not much of foodie. The food of any particular location is usually secondary to something else… the beer, the ambience, the views… whatever. So I don’t usually get that “omg that was amazing” satisfaction from eating a meal, because I’m never looking for it. That make sense?
This food came, and I started eating… and I swear to God, I think I went to a different planet. By halfway through I broke out into a sweat. Seriously, like, my shirt was soaking wet. THAT’S HOW INTENSELY I WAS EATING THIS MEAL.
I was texting Jenny like “I think I’m dying?!? Love you, byeeeee” because I just never experience food like this. It was absolutely amazing.
Once I came back to earth, I finished my coffee, paid my bill and tried to pretend my legs weren’t about to give out underneath me.
Okay, exaggeration. But the sweating thing was real, is that a thing that happens to other people? Holy fuck, I don’t think I’ve ever experienced a meal like that ever in my life, I thought I was gonna pass out. Egg-less 2020 avenged.
SAD PUPPY IN BLANDING
At some point I had to drive 20-30 minutes north to a town called Blanding because they had as close to a supermarket as you can expect in an area like that. Drove up, bought some supplies, started heading back down to Bluff.
On the way down there was a gas station, and I took a shot that they sold beer so I could stock up. Remember, this is Utah. It’s legal for gas station to sell beer (up to 5% because… ::shrugs::) but it’s certainly hit-or-miss from my experience.
I went in and no beer, but since I wasn’t buying gas and I used the bathroom and I didn’t want to kinda be a dick, I bought a Gatorade.
On the way out I see an obviously stray puppy in the parking lot super attentive to someone at the gas pumps.
I eventually get her to come over to the van and decided to give her one of their cans of food. She doesn’t seem too skin and bones, thankfully, but she was TERRIFIED of me. I couldn’t have gotten her into the van even if that was even remotely an option. So… I did something? I guess? Still sad.
I didn’t want her trying to stick her snoot into the can so I dumped it out on the ground.
That scared stretching out eating thing. Breaks my heart. Glad we have Goose and Charlie and Betty stories out there.
Speaking of which, here’s a Goose magic trick…
COWS.
This is a relatively short one. I was on the phone with Jenny when all of I sudden I basically tell her to STFU because I hear something.
WTF is that sound? At this point the dogs are starting to perk up, they hear it too… so I know it’s not just the van / my imagination. Finally from over the hills and far away… (only halfway through realizing I can open the screen)
I swear to God, Charlie was on edge for like an hour after this.
COMB RIDGE NOT-SO-MUCH REDEMPTION
Second entry in the 2020 Redemption storyline is Comb Ridge Eat + Drink.
We got take out from there in 2020 and at the time I said the burger “easily cracks top 10 list of best burgers I’ve had on this trip.”
Okay, well, 2020 Chris, challenge accepted.
So I stuck around town until they opened at 4:30pm and gave it another go for the complete experience, not just grabbing a bag and going.
Well… like the song says one out of two ain’t bad.
Burger wasn’t that great, a little overcooked. Beer was okay.
But by far the worst, the waiter was one of those “sit down next to you to take your order” guys. Like right next to you. Breathing heavily. Calling me “boss.”
No. No no no no no no no no no. No, thank you.
Listen, I appreciate the hustle. I really really do, I’ve been there. I’ve put on the fucking act, smiled and danced like a clown. Almost literally, just minus the makeup. But there’s a very distinct process to this, and none of it involves you getting a full recap of my day and my feelings on it. Or your dumb jokes. At all.
I’m not your boss. I’m not your buddy. I don’t want a new best friend. And I know you’re full of shit anyways, even if I did. I’m in no way a “seriously, the stripper really likes me, I swear” guy. I just want you to bring me my burger and beer, charge me the correct amount, and not steal my credit card number. That’s literally all I want out of you. Everything else is fucking noise for what you think is your own betterment, thinking it will get you a bigger tip. Spoiler alert: it won’t.
But I guess, to be fair, there were plenty of people in the place eating his act up, so possibly that last point may be incorrect for people other than my stupid nihilist ass. But know your audience I guess is what I’m saying.
THE REST…
Finally left Bluff and started north to Moab.
Last night we landed at a spot somewhere around Monticello, UT and it was absolutely beautiful, and absolutely FREEZING.
Easily a good 20 degrees cooler than Moab up at whatever elevation it was, so after a super uncomfortably cold night we immediately hit the road to continue up to Moab.
We hit a dog park, a coffee shop, then after some consideration decided to hit a trailhead. As previously mentioned, they are fucking horrible on leash, but we muscled through it. There were rock ledges to climb up, and streams and all sorts of nonsense to make them go crazy. But we got through it. I have two dirty, wet, tired dogs to handle the rest of the day. Which are three good adjectives to deal with. Well two out of three of them anyways.. which as they say…
We hit both Moab Brewery and the aforementioned Proper Brewing, and now we’re sitting and waiting to head into Arches to see some stars tonight. We need to wait until after 4pm to avoid needing a timed reservation. Honestly it only costs $2 but the longer we wait, the longer we have to sit around killing time in Arches.
Hopefully next post has some nice Milky Way shots.